The Unacknowledged Reality

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Filed under Mindset of the rich, Philosophy of success

We live in a world where it’s sometimes hard to see reality as it is. This is due to many reasons, such as our curricular systems, culture or the “general truths” that are become less and less true when you look at them closely. One of these “truths” is that your IQ determines how successful you are as it allows you to study better, get better marks and thus get a better job. To make my position clear and straightforward, that is simply not true. In this article, I want to talk about the importance of our emotional intelligence (EQ) and how it provides us with enormous benefits in many areas of life.

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What Is Emotional Intelligence?

EQ is something that most people ignore, which might be the greatest mistake of their life. The physical source of our EQ is the communication between our emotional and rational “brains.” Our brains are hardwired to give our emotion an upper hand. However rational you are, if you don’t understand your emotions, you are in a great disadvantage in every area of your life. According to the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, most people with an average IQ, but a high EQ outperform those with high IQ and lower EQ. This is because good decisions require far more than factual knowledge. They are made using self-knowledge and emotional mastery when they’re needed most. Ever since we’re young, we’re taught rationality, which essentially means that we’re taught to grow our IQ. But IQ is actually not very likely to grow during our lives anyways. What we completely ignore is our EQ, which has a huge potential as it is something that can be developed (as opposed to IQ).

Emotions

Our emotions are derivations of five core feelings: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and shame. It is a fact that these 5 emotions are the core influencers of our decisions as our first reaction to an event is always an emotional one. When you learn to understand how you can control your emotions, you’ll also understand how your emotions affect your performance, how you can control and break the transition between emotional states or how you can influence others through your emotional expressions. Learn about your emotions and a whole new world of possibilities will unfold in front of your own eyes.

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So How Does Knowing My EQ Help Me?

If you’re still wondering why should you care, let me give you some numbers. According to the book, EQ accounts for 58% of performance in all jobs. This means that most of your tasks are based on something you can choose to develop or to ignore. Which way is the correct one is up to your choice. The link between EQ and earnings is so direct that every point increase in EQ adds $1,300 to an annual salary. Further, EQ is the single strongest driver of leadership and excellence. Still think that you can afford to ignore your EQ? 

Factors Of EQ

Your EQ consists of 2 fundamental areas – personal competence and social competence. Personal competence includes self-awareness and self-management. Self-awareness is very much your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions at the moment and understand your tendencies across situations. Your self-management is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behaviour positively. Based on these 2 factors, you can very effectively control your own personal emotions and their influence on your behaviour. The other side of the coin, social competence, consists of social awareness and relationship management. Social awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them. Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. You can see that these two factors help you control and affect your environment, the people around you. Focus on these 4 specific areas of your EQ and you will see a huge boost in your general life success.

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The Golden Rule

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I don’t have much time today to write anything too long, so I decided to talk briefly about probably the single most important rule, the most important law of success each and every single one of us should live by. As it is mentioned in one of the verses in the Bible: “So in everything, do unto others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12). This is not only something that people who see themselves as Christians should live by. It is the ultimate success principle that has been around for centuries. In this article, I want to talk about why we should carry this law in the back of our minds.

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Why?

The Golden rule is very much ingrained in the law of humanity. Pretty much every country has a form of this rule somewhat included in its law. Why? Because it is the bottom line of everything we do. It is what keeps us from killing each other or stealing from each other. Now that is its very basic form. It is also very much present in our daily lives. We are taught to live by this law in every situation, we always think about what impact will our behaviour have on the other party… Or do we?

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Self-centred Society

The reason I wanted to write about this hopefully obvious law is that I have a feeling that it is not as obvious as it should be, at least not to most people in modern society. In recent years, something has happened. We are taught that we should focus on ourselves, we should disregard the people around ourselves and that the consequences of our actions should concern us only in case they affect our lives. How does that make any sense? We, as human beings, are interconnected with each other, interconnected with the environment we live in. How does it make sense to kill the lungs of the Earth? How does it make sense to have these retarded stereotypes? If you think deeply, the Golden Rule is not as golden as it used to be. Or at least it is not perceived so.

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The Wake-up Call

The Golden Rule is and should be in the centre of our thoughts every day. It is the only way to live in a peaceful, understanding and loving world. The only way for everyone to live happily is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is as simple as that. That is the bottom line.

Let this article serve as a reminder for you. Think back about your day, how many good deeds have you done? How many people have you positively impacted? How many have you helped? What about nature? How have you made sure that it is staying, sustainable and healthy for the next generations to come? Yep, the law also applies in this sense. Think and remind yourself, love! The best way you can make an impact is to start with your close environment, with the people around you. The effect will spread, don’t worry about that. But we first need to start with a reflection on our own behaviour, that is the basics.

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3 Major Tips To Better Your Relationships

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Filed under Habits of the Winners

Relationships are the most important part of our human lives. When you turn 80, you won’t think about how much more time you should’ve spent online, how much more you should’ve travelled or how much more you should’ve worked, it won’t be any of these things. What you will think about is to what extent you have lived the life you wanted to live and how much more you should’ve spent with the people you love, which is a considerable amount in most cases if you think about how much time people spend working a 9-5 job. Thus I decided to give you 3 major tips that will improve your relationships, which I found in my readings and that I personally applied. Read through them carefully, customize them to your current situation and apply them accordingly.

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#1 Always Look For People’s Strengths

In any kind of interpersonal connection, if it’s the first time or if you’ve known the person for years, always focus on their strengths. So many people, including myself, have made the mistake of looking for downsides in others. Not only it ruins your perception of the other person, but it will make your relationship rot. Your conversations will turn into arguments and the only emotion you will receive from the time spent with the other person will be negative. However, if you make an active decision to look for the positives in others, your relationship will blossom. You will understand how amazing the people around you are. You will see their good side and you will be happier yourself. If you’re having trouble in setting your mindset off in a certain direction, utilize the power of your subconscious. To find out how to do that, give this an article a read.

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#2 People Should Leave You Happier Than They Were When They Came

This is a no-brainer, yet most of us don’t appreciate this quality enough. You want to be the kind of person whom people meet and get happier during the time they spend with that person. When people come to you, being happy at 4 (from 1-10, 10 being the happiest), they should be leaving you at least at a 6 or a 7. How can you do this? Tell them how much you love them, how much you appreciate them and how proud you are to know them. Little things matter. Did your friend get his first A in Chemistry? Appreciate it and congratulate him, tell him how proud you are of that friend. It might seem awkward if you’re not used to it, but it will revolutionise your relationships. Next time when you talk to your mom, tell her how much you love her, how much you appreciate what she does for you, even though you feel like she could do more. Speak it and it will happen.

#3 Pay Attention

One of the most annoying things you can do to others is ignoring them. When you meet your friends, when you talk to your parents or other close people or when you speak with your colleagues in your line of work, pay attention to them. Ignore that phone call. When you’re having lunch with someone and you pull out your phone, it means that that message or that phone call is more important to you than the person you’re talking to. Pay attention to the details and mention them, ask about them next time you see the person. You can not imagine how much people appreciate it when you’re paying attention to what they say and when you actually remember small details that you then ask about. They love it! Pay attention.

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Mind Control – The Subconscious

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Controlling your own mind is the core of everything. It is not only about success, but it is also about your reality. You create your reality or more specifically, the influences you allow to affect you do. The problem with modern society is that we have completely “delegated” this responsibility to the media, the news and to the people who are aware, unlike most. Even though it could sound a bit too harsh, we can talk about the 3rd face of power (Lukes’ concept), where the victims don’t even doubt the reality, they don’t doubt anything that happens around them. The people who dominate consciously create reality through the subconscious of others. This is something we have been brought up to, it is not our fault. However, it sometimes does feel like the totalitarian society in Orwell’s 1984, where the people, unaware of the “mind control,” follow The Party completely and doubtlessly. In 1984 the hero of the story, Winston, is pretty much the only one (apart from Julie, another important character) who realises how crazy manipulative The Party is. Living in a society where anyone can be a life-endangering element for Winston because anyone can discover his free mind can sometimes be very similar to what we live in now. In this article, I will talk about how we can consciously lead our subconscious to the thoughts we desire, not the thoughts we are forced to accept and then consequently turn these thoughts into reality.

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The Subconscious

Our mind is a very complex part of our body that leads it in many ways. It is the major decision maker and it keeps our body functional and healthy. Our mind is split into two dimensions, the conscious and the subconscious. The concept of the subconscious has been very well known since ancient times. The whole idea of religion is essentially built on the concept of the subconscious. We are able to control our conscious, but we can not control our subconscious, at least not directly. Our subconscious is a subject to our conscious, it follows it around and it listens to it more than you can imagine. Our subconscious is a principle and works according to the law of belief. As it is stated in the Bible: “Whosoever shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith” (MARK 11:23). You can see that this citation refers to the fundamental way our subconscious mind works. It is based on our belief and habitual thoughts.

Power Beyond Our Imagination

According to Joseph Murphy, the author of The Power of The Subconscious Mind, we all possess a power beyond what we’re capable of understanding. That power lies in our subconscious mind. If we understand how to use it, it will create miracles for us. A quick example could be its healing power. According to Murphy, disease is an unnatural state of our body, which is caused by the negative state of our subconscious. Think about it, have you ever been sick and positive at the same time? When we’re sick, we often actually support the sickness through our thoughts. Murphy gives many examples in which people regained their sight, the ability to walk or healed fatal diseases through the power of suggestion and affirmation. Murphy also argues that we are able to attract pretty much anything into our lives through the power of suggestion and affirmation. He gives many examples of lawsuits that people have won or have come to an agreement with the opposing party after several days of active suggestion. If you learn how to utilise the power of your subconscious mind, you will suggest and your subconscious will deliver.

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Control Your Destiny

Suggestion

In the book, Murphy takes the reader through many methods of utilisation of your subconscious. He says: “you will get a reaction or response from your subconscious mind according to the nature of the thought or idea you hold in your conscious mind.” Thus, the principle I mentioned above follows – your subconscious mind is based on our belief and habitual thoughts. The method of control I want to talk about in this article is called suggestion. According to Murphy, our subconscious is amenable to suggestion. He explains that you can control your destiny through your thoughts because your thoughts can control your subconscious. Suggestion essentially means that you actively “suggest” or create a thought in your mind that you believe to be true and you reinforce that thought through regular repetition. For instance, I speak that my body is becoming healthier and healthier day by day. My skin is improving every hour and my acne is disappearing every minute. This is a thought I personally believe to be right because I am saying that my skin is in the process of recovery. Pay attention to the difference of “in process” and “already there.” This is very important because I would truly not believe that my skin is already healthy, thus the suggestion would have no effect. It needs to be supported by faith. If you believe it to be true, your subconscious will accept it and will act on it. If you suggest it, but don’t really believe it, you will find yourself wondering why it is not working.

Practical Use

“The easiest and most obvious way to formulate an idea is to visualise it” (Murphy). Visualisation imprints a clear picture of your thought into your subconscious. It can then take it further and realise it. Murphy says that: “a mental picture held in the mind, backed by faith, will come to pass.” Again, pay attention to the “backed by faith” part, it won’t work if this part is missing. Murphy suggests that “by entering into a sleepy, drowsy state, effort is reduced to a minimum – the conscious mind is submerged to a great extent when in a sleepy state.” This means that the subconscious is taking over. This is the state you want to put yourself into if you want to utilise suggestion to the fullest extent. I suggest meditation before you speak your suggestion. A specific way Murphy suggests you do this is a prayer:

1. Take a look at the problem. 

2. Turn to the solution or way out known only to the subconscious mind. 

3. Rest in a sense of deep conviction that it is done. 

Use this to suggest what you want in your life, support it by your faith and it will happen. Remember that every coin has two sides. This method also works the other way around. Negative suggestions lead to negative outcomes. Your subconscious multiplies and magnifies whatever you deposit in it, be it positive or negative. You reap what you sow.

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Being Alone At Times Is Not As Bad As You Thought

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In fact, I would argue that it can be positive. When I have asked about what areas you would like me to cover, I have got some questions about loneliness, which is what I decided to dedicate this article to. There is quite a lot of people who get depressed and anxious because they feel like they are too lonely. They feel like they don’t have many people around. I have been through this experience myself with the difference that I brought this on myself. It was the time when I realised that most people in my life are simply not the kind of people I want to stay around. This happened because I finally understood how important and how influential our associations can be. I have spent a lot of time alone, focusing on personal growth and actively seeking like-minded people. Even though I was alone, I knew that there are people who will support me in every situation. They might not have been with me physically, but I felt their presence inside. Although I was alone for most of the time, I never felt lonely. This was also because I understood that I was going through a process of growth and development and that I would eventually attract like-minded people into my life. In this article, I want to talk about why being alone and being lonely is not the same thing and about how being alone can actually benefit us.

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I Am Alone All The Time…

Saying I know how you feel is an understatement. As I have said above, I have experienced the same feeling. When I moved from China to the UK many things in my life changed. I left all the people I knew, I went through a relationship crises followed by a break up with the girl I loved and that all happened in the time span of a few months. Although I might have gone through some hardships, looking back at that time now provides me with many important lessons I would have not learned if that wouldn’t have happened. I understood a lot about how a relationship should work (in my eyes) and I have learned a lot of stuff about myself I did not even realise I didn’t know before. Even though things were pretty hectic, I was able to get up and start running again (metaphorically). All of this learning that has happened in the last half a year or so would have never happened if it wasn’t for that hardship and if it wasn’t for me staying alone for most of my day. The “alone time” truly provided me with an incredible opportunity to learn. I was able to understand the meaning of fighting the battle within, rather than the battle without. This experience has shaped me and continues to shape me into the person I am becoming. It taught me how to be happy from within, it helped me learn about what I really want in life and what I really value in people.

The reason why I am pouring out my struggles and my learnings here is to show you that although you might feel like you’re stuck now, there is a way out that can actually turn this experience into a huge learning for yourself.

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This Is On You!

Before I get into how I utilised my “alone time,” I want to make sure that you understand that staying alone and feeling lonely are two separate things. When you are alone, you are physically on your own, but you are mentally aware of the fact that there are people who love you and who support you no matter what – be that your parents, your friends or in some cases you. Feeling lonely is a completely different case. When you feel lonely, you have consciously put your subconscious mind into the state where you practically believe that there is nobody around you, not even you, who believes in you and who cares. This is a practical result of your own thinking. Nothing has caused this other than your own perception of the way things are. If you want to change the way you think about this issue, you need to change your words and your thoughts. That is what I did. I understood that I can control how I feel and what I think and shifted my thoughts from negativity and “loneliness” to positivity, blessings, love, gratitude and happiness.

It’s Your Time!

When you spend a lot of time alone, you either give up and turn into short-term self-satisfying procrastinator who is always depressed, or you stand up on your feet and build yourself up. If you try to look at your situation from an objective perspective, being alone can sometimes actually help. All the attention that you would have given to others can now be redirected to you. That can be good, but it can also ruin your confidence. This comes down to whether you compare yourself to some idealised model out there, or whether your only point of comparison is you yesterday. I understood that it was all about me, about how I thought and about how I made myself feel. That was the time I understood that I had something amazing in my hands. I understood the purity of life, the colossal power hidden inside. I understood that the happiest people are the people who love themselves first and I understood that those people are also the ones who can share the purest kind of love with others. I learned probably the most important lesson of my life. I learned that we all possess the power to influence what is within, which then allows us to influence what is without.

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