Developing a Persuasive Argument A.K.A. Selling 101

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Filed under An Objective approach to controversy, Philosophy of success

Have you ever tried to persuade your parents, your friends or your colleague and completely failed? This is one of the things most people never learn. In school, they teach us how to develop an argument, but that’s where it ends. They often don’t teach us how to sell our argument (in a non-written form). And if you’ve ever learned how to pursue an academic argument, do you think the same applies in real-life conversation with people who might have never been introduced to that way of thinking? Have you ever felt in your day-to-day life like people just don’t get your point? It’s like the elevator doesn’t go all the way up if you know what I mean. What if I told you that the mistake might have been on your side? In this article, I’ll show you how you can appeal to the other and make them feel as if your argument was theirs.

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Understanding People

The first step is to really think about the way people think and what they value. We hate to be marketed to, we hate to be sold something. What we love is to buy stuff. The number one mistake most of us have been doing all along was that we were trying to sell stuff. We were not trying to make our counterparts buy our arguments. What do I mean? Throwing a few reasons at others as to why they should accept your argument will only make them more distant. Why? Because they feel like you’re trying to pressure them, you’re trying to sell something to them. That is reaaaaly annoying!

So What Should I Do?

What you need to do is to develop a connection with this person’s values and principles. First, work on figuring out what is the number 1 objection that person has. Then, you want to start developing and asking questions around that point that will lead towards a mutual understanding of the benefits of your argument. In short, by making the other person answer these questions, you are making them feel like your argument is theirs as they are developing the positive side of the conversation. According to Frank Bettger, there are 6 major things you can gain by asking good questions.

#1 Helps you avoid arguments

#2 Helps you avoid talking too much (number 1 mistakes most people make)

#3 Enables you to help the other fellow recognize what he wants – then help him decide hot to get it.

#4 Helps you crystalize the other person’s thinking – the idea becomes theirs.

#5 Helps you find the key issue – the closing sale

#6 Makes the other person feel important

 

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In a very short summary, what you want to do in a conversation where you’re trying to persuade someone or to sell something to them is to find their basic need and then their main point of interest and stick to these using open-ended questions. Talk about them, not about you!

The Game of Life

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Filed under An Objective approach to controversy

The Game of Life (which is my personal way of calling this concept) is an idea I have observed in many popular talks from Simon Sinek. Simon is an author of many extremely successful books, such as Start With Why, a motivational speaker, and a marketing consultant. In his book and later a talk called the infinite game, he looks into the decision-making of the modern companies. He talks about their vision and the way they prioritize their goals. He differentiates their perspectives through the use of two core concepts – a finite game and an infinite game. In my personal view, this is a very useful theory we can also apply to our personal lives, which will be my major focus in this article.

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A Finite Game

As you can see in the lovely diagram above, a finite game is a state where there are known players, defined rules and objectives of the game upon which everyone agrees. A very good example that is also represented above is baseball. In baseball, teams (check) compete based on fixed rules (check) and aim to win the game by beating the other team through reaching the objectives of the game first (check). Taking this concept and applying it in real life, we are all brought up in the environment of a finite game. In school, we perform in a very defined environment, with defined rules (you can’t cheat) and we aim to achieve a very specific objective we all agree upon (get an A, get into uni, etc.). This then reflects into our adult lives, where we all aim to look at everything around us as a defined environment, we develop a sense of tunnel vision. The tradition is very clear – get a good education, find a stable job, have a family, bring up kids, keep working the job, retire, done. Very defined rules, very defined outcomes, very obvious players. We are lead to perceive our life as a finite game. But is that really the right way to look at life?

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An Infinite Game

As opposed to the finite game, an infinite game has both known and unknown players, its rules change and the objective is to keep playing the game as long as possible. An example that is used above is a business that focuses on the long game. Their aim is continuous improvement. This is an example that very few businesses understand, which is also the reason why Simon’s work is so famous. More and more business owners and executives understand that the business framework from the 80s or 90s where you want to outcompete other players (businesses) and be the first does not make much sense in the present world. You want to be the leading business in the world – based on what rules? What objectives? How is it measurable? Who agreed to these rules? According to Simon, the business game is clearly an infinite game. I would argue that this is also the case for our lives. Although we are brought up to perceive the world as a finite game, does real life really fit that description? What are the rules? What agreed-upon objectives really are there? If we really look at our lives, do we all define success in the same way? Yes, we are told that there is a very defined way which we should all follow. But is that really the correct way of seeing how things are? Do you think Steve Jobs played the same game as the general population does? No, he clearly understood that he was building a legacy. The goal of Apple was never to beat Microsoft, it has always been to help its customers (more specifically students, teachers, and professionals) to bring efficiency into their lives through the convenience and simplicity of the Apple products. Now think for yourself, are you playing the finite or the infinite game? Are you trying to achieve a specific objective in your life? If you achieve it, what happens then? Are you trying to build something (a family, an asset …) that will outlast you? Give it a thought and adjust your actions accordingly.

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Here is another diagram that might help you undestand the difference bewteen a finite and an infinite player.

4 Ways To Handle Rejection

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Filed under Mindset of the rich, Philosophy of success

Many times in our lives, we do things that are popular and that receive lots of support. However, the greatest successes often require us to do actions that might not be as popular (early mornings, no late nights, less “chilling out,” less attention in certain areas of our lives, etc.). This means that as we reach out for success in our lives, we all have to deal with a certain amount of rejection. You can’t really hope to succeed with absolutely no sense of rejection on the way. People will come up with different reasons why you will fail, why you should give up and why you’re just wasting your time. Often, these people include our closest ones, our relatives and close friends. How can you deal with these situations? Dexter Yager, an expert on people skills, gives us some tips regarding this issue in his book Dynamic People Skills.

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#1 Spiritual Clarity

Dexter, as a strong Christian, talks about how important his relationship with Jesus Christ was in helping him overcome rejection. What he is really pointing out is not that you need to be strongly religious to be able to deal with rejection. What you need is a consistent set of values and principles that will allow you to understand what you perceive as right and what you perceive as wrong. Defining your values and principles will help you in simplifying your decisions and understanding that many of the points people try to discourage you with do not meet with your own personal views on how things ought to be.

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#2 Battle Training

Rejections are, like anything else, an adaptable problem. This means that you can adapt to receiving rejections in a firm manner. The more you practice, the more you get rejected, the more you will understand how you can overcome rejection. There are 3 major strategies Dexter recommends we utilize to get this battle training – learn from the winners, read positive books, experience rejection personally.

#3 A Love of Excellence

Winners respect excellence. They also disrespect mediocrity and laziness. You need to develop immunity to those whose lifestyle and values you do not respect. Why should you listen to someone who is not where you want to be? This also means that you can learn lessons from rejectors, but never at the time of the rejection. You need to stay firm when you’re rejected for the sake of your emotional stability. When you feel like the rejection is not affecting you emotionally anymore, you can get back to it to reflect on it.

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#3 True Grit

According to Dexter, reacting to rejection properly contributes to your leadership skills big time. The grit means the courage to stick to with your purpose against all odds. True grit gives you 3 things – emotional control, mental discipline, the power of chosen optimism. Taking control and standing firm is the ultimate sign of a true leader!

Grow Up

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A couple of days ago, I have started reading a book called Dynamic People Skills by Dexter Yager – one of the greatest leaders of the modern world. The way this book is written completely amazes me. It takes me much longer to go through the chapters just because I am making so many notes as I go through the book. In one of the first chapters, Dexter talks about the idea of adulthood. He says that many people are adults in terms of age but behave like children. He then looks at how this impacts the world we live in and how you can personally “grow up.” This is what I want to talk about in this article. Let’s hop in!

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Dexter says that as an immature person, you have some characteristics you might not even be aware of. Naturally, if you want to grow up, you need to step out of these limitations. Here are some of the limitations he talks about (you can look for the rest of them in his book).

Living in The Immediate

Teenagers make impulsive decisions, they are pretty much driven by constant gratification. Dexter says that they live in the “right here, right now” without really considering the consequences of their actions. The idea of instant gratification keeps them hungry for the instant feeling of pleasure, which is also connected to another characteristic of adolescents. They are dominated by emotions. Simply put, when your feelings control what you do, your thinking is limited. Think back, have you bought something just because you “felt like it?” That is the reason why most people have issues with credit debt – they have not grown up and they allow their emotions to affect their thinking on the spot.

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Short on Discipline

Discipline is a struggle for many. Can you discipline yourself to wake up early? Can you discipline yourself to eat healthily? Can you discipline yourself to work out regularly? Many of these areas are major struggles for most people around us. Dexter says that teenagers take discipline as a drag and a burden. Adults understand that discipline is what frees you. It frees you to succeed. Nobody else will do it for you, you need to discipline yourself to grow up.

Limited Knowledge without Knowledge of The Limits

Teenagers are limited in the knowledge of life, sex, people and experience. However, they are not aware of these limitations. They are not aware of the fact that they don’t know what they don’t know. One of the steps to maturity is understanding and accepting the fact that you do not know everything. People don’t grow up, because they think that they have already grown up and experienced everything not facing the reality.

 

Operating from A Sentimentality Base – Not A Reality Base

This is something I can relate to and I need to work on. Imagining too many things without seeing reality. A great example is this story from Dexter’s book. One of his friends, Ron (the co-author of the book), told him a story from his college times. He saw a very beautiful lady at the campus and he “got a crush” on her. He never spoke to her, she lived more than 400 miles away. Yet he developed this image of great romance in his mind. He decided that he would marry her and went to see her at her distanced home. When he got there, reality slapped him in his face. She was already dating someone else and she didn’t even know who Ron was. He learned a crucial lesson at that moment. He couldn’t possibly think that he would marry her, he never even properly spoke to her!

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Identity Sensitive

This is something pretty much every teenager falls into and most people never escape. People hunger for acceptance. They always want to fit in, they want to be liked by everyone. If you ask me what is the reason why most people give up on their dreams and goals? This is it. In order to fit into something, we call “the trend,” people absolutely disregard their own direction in life. Adults understand that not everyone has the same values and principles and that if they want to achieve greatness, they need to follow their own path, not someone else’s path.

3 Tips To Fire Up Your Mornings

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In the recent half a year or so, I have been developing this little morning cycle that helps me boost my overall daily performance and focus. It is something that took me some time to figure out but after finding what works the best for me, I am now able to wake up and kick my day off pretty much habitually (without using up much of my conscious energy). I’ve learned to understand and utilize the power of a morning routine and my aim for this article is to give you 3 tips (or steps if you may) you can build your morning routine around.

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#1 – Meditation, Gratefulness & Visualization

In my personal morning routine, I have developed a habit of waking up and going directly into positive thoughts about the upcoming day. When I open my eyes I instantly lead my mind to positivity. I aim to think something along the lines of – “I can achieve whatever I set my mind to, I am making it happen, I’ve got this, I will win over this day.” This supports my feeling of motivation and determination for the day. Directly after that, I go into meditation. This I do in two different ways, either I sit down calmly and meditate, or I have also started practicing some active meditation such as Tai-chi. The purpose of this is to approach your subconscious mind that you can utilize in the next part of this, which can be visualization. Daily visualization of your goals and dreams in the present tense is something incredibly beneficial for the long run (law of attraction and other reasons).

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#2 – Reading

The second tip I would say is very useful to utilize in your morning routine is setting up 30-60 minutes purely for reading a book in the area of your interest. This does not only stimulate your brain, but it can be the number 1 way you can use to outperform pretty much anyone. An average American reads 1 book a year, that is 10 books in 10 years. Developing the habit of reading 30-60 minutes every morning will lead to you finishing 3-5 books a month. This will turn into about 40-50 books a year, which turns into 400-500 books in 10 years. Do you think you can outperform someone who read 10 books as opposed to your 500?

 

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#3 – Exercise

Your mornings are the most important time of your day. Why? Because you have the mental energy to finish very heavy tasks, which you might not be able to execute as well later in the day. I always finish my morning routine by setting out to my workout. Simply put, I get the hardest thing done first. Another huge benefit of morning workouts is that your body will feel energized for the rest of the day (not even mentioning the wave of endorphins after you finish your workout). Furthermore, your body will thank you for keeping it healthy on a daily basis 🙂

You might also find it useful waking up a bit earlier so you have more time to put into these activities. You really don’t need to sleep 8-9 hours. 7 is more than enough! Go to sleep on time and give yourself a strong power-up in the morning!