A Question that Says It All

Yesterday, I have made a post on Instagram that involves a question I’ve been looking into in the last few days quite intensively. I have not only been thinking about my own answer to that question, but I have been also trying to observe some external examples around me or in the history of the humankind. I’ve been actively talking about this question with the people around me and I think that writing about it here and providing you with this philosophical idea can help you understand the kind of person you are and the kind of influence the environment around you has on the way you make your decisions. The question goes: “If you were the only person who knew the truth, while everyone else would follow another path you knew was incorrect, would you still choose your way?” This question involves a few different core aspects to which I will dedicate the next couple of hundred words.

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What Do You Base Your Decisions on?

We all live in some kind of a community. There are different people around us doing their thing, living their lives with their own views, values and principles. The core question we’re talking about today makes you really think about the extent to which you base your decisions on the opinions of others and even more, on the opinions of the crowd. When you see a line for lunch on the meal choice #1 nobody standing in the line #2, do you automatically stand in the first line, or do you still consider the second line? When you went to uni, did you go because you wanted to, because you really wanted to learn lots of academical stuff, or did you go because everyone else also went? Did you go because you wanted to learn or because you didn’t want to be the outcast, the so-called failure? Understand that this tag is only put on you by our society, by the mainstream. It has nothing to do with you actually not having the chance to succeed in your life.

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How Confident Are You in Yourself?

The core question also makes you think about your own capability and confidence. Do you trust yourself to the degree that would allow yourself to make the decision based on what you know to be the truth? Do you doubt your decisions simply because someone told you that you’re wrong, or do you seek factual evidence? This is a very important aspect of our decision-making, as it allows us to understand how much value we put on our own ability to seek facts and how much we depend on the people around us. Can you be the one leading the crowd, or do you need someone else to lead you at all times? Of course, you need to be led in order to be able to lead, but can you make the decision to submit (so you can learn and then lead) on your own or do you also need to be led to do that?

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How Do You Know that You Are Really Correct?

This question comes up in one specific case. In this scenario, you have already started doubting yourself. You have started thinking: “Oh, so since I am the only person who is going this way, there must be something I have missed, I might be wrong.” When you assume that you are wrong because the others are going in a different direction, you automatically delegate the responsibility of your decision-making to the crowd. Can you really succeed in what you want to succeed in if you do that? Even more, can you actually think of your own dream if you submit to the crowd instantly? On the other hand, do violent extremists think in this way as well? Do they think they are making their own decision based on their own truth, or are they following the crowd (the organisation they cooperate with)? Is there a danger of you becoming an extremist if you take this stance? Is being an extremist always the wrong thing? What if you are extremely dedicated to love and respect? You are also an extremist – is extremism always negative? How can you tell that what you’re doing does not hurt the people around you, if you are trying to make the decision purely based on your views? Questions like this follow me these days and I hope you will share your opinions with me, as I am very interested in your perspective on these.

This might have been a bit more philosophical than it usually gets, but it is also very important to think about these issues from time to time to make your stance on certain things a bit clearer. Please do leave a comment below to help me make my stance clearer as well. Thanks!

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3 More Ways To Improve Your Relationship

When you’re 80, thinking back about your life, you won’t think about how much money you’ve made, how many companies you’ve grown or how much you’ve travelled. You will think about the relationships you’ve created throughout your life. You will think about the people you’ve spent your time with. Relationships are arguably the most important aspect of our lives as human beings. This is due to the fact that we are social beings, we love to be around other people. This also means that your number one regret will be connected to the relationships that have not worked out, what you will regret the most is that you have not spent more time with the people you love. Because of that, I decided to minimize that regret in your life and write our second article on this topic. If you want to take a look at the first one, here is the link. Listen to the next audio (start at 1:40) before we begin.

 

Learn To Communicate

Communication is the most important aspect of your relationships. In fact, your relationships are built on your communication with the other person. If you can’t communicate how you feel, your relationship will be full of misunderstandings and misinterpretations that will drive you nuts and eventually lead to an end of the relationship. Learning to communicate is a long process that requires lots of practice. We have already posted an article on how you can connect with anyone. You can read about that here. In communication, being sincere and straight-forward is a must. You don’t want to allow any kind of misunderstandings step between you and the other person. Another important factor in communication is timing. You might have the best intention to talk to the other person, but there are times when it is simply better to give them more space. This is especially the case if the other person is of the opposite gender. Men and women find it very hard to understand when they should give each other more space and when they should be more intimate. It is a skill that requires practice. If you’d like to read more about this specific issue and many more regarding the relationships between a man and a woman, I suggest you take a look the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It is probably the best piece out there that talks about issues of such kind.

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Build A 100/100 Relationship

This is quite straight-forward, yet many fail to understand it. According to my research on Instagram, most people think that relationships should be 50/50. That is a huge mistake. The only way your relationship will grow and prosper is through a constant effort of both parties. You both need to go all in. What does it mean from your perspective? It means that you should give it your all without expecting much in return. There will be times when you will feel like you’re giving more than the other person, but that will be only temporary. If not, that relationship was not meant to stay. It is as simple as that, but you should not hold back just because you’re afraid that the other person won’t try as much. Go all in and what’s meant to be will be.

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Create A Growth Environment

We are here to grow. Growth is something we are all looking for inherently. We might not understand it at first, but one of the major reasons why we look to create relationships is to grow personally alongside someone else. Thus, we should also strive to create a growth environment in the relationship. Help each other, support each other and strive to grow together. It is the most beautiful feeling when you learn what the other person needs and how you can help them. Each relationship is different in this sense because we’re all looking for something else. However, it is a fact that once you figure it out, lots of positivity and momentum will step into your relationship.

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The Golden Rule

I don’t have much time today to write anything too long, so I decided to talk briefly about probably the single most important rule, the most important law of success each and every single one of us should live by. As it is mentioned in one of the verses in the Bible: So in everything, do unto others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12). This is not only something that people who see themselves as Christians should live by. It is the ultimate success principle that has been around for centuries. In this article, I want to talk about why we should carry this law in the back of our minds.

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Why?

The Golden rule is very much ingrained in the law of humanity. Pretty much every country has a form of this rule somewhat included in its law. Why? Because it is the bottom line of everything we do. It is what keeps us from killing each other or stealing from each other. Now that is its very basic form. It is also very much present in our daily lives. We are taught to live by this law in every situation, we always think about what impact will our behaviour have on the other party… Or do we?

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Self-centred Society

The reason I wanted to write about this hopefully obvious law is that I have a feeling that it is not as obvious as it should be, at least not to most people in modern society. In recent years, something has happened. We are taught that we should focus on ourselves, we should disregard the people around ourselves and that the consequences of our actions should concern us only in case they affect our lives. How does that make any sense? We, as human beings, are interconnected with each other, interconnected with the environment we live in. How does it make sense to kill the lungs of the Earth? How does it make sense to have these retarded stereotypes? If you think deeply, the Golden Rule is not as golden as it used to be. Or at least it is not perceived so.

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The Wake-up Call

The Golden Rule is and should be in the centre of our thoughts every day. It is the only way to live in a peaceful, understanding and loving world. The only way for everyone to live happily is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is as simple as that. That is the bottom line.

Let this article serve as a reminder for you. Think back about your day, how many good deeds have you done? How many people have you positively impacted? How many have you helped? What about nature? How have you made sure that it is staying, sustainable and healthy for the next generations to come? Yep, the law also applies in this sense. Think and remind yourself, love! The best way you can make an impact is to start with your close environment, with the people around you. The effect will spread, don’t worry about that. But we first need to start with a reflection on our own behaviour, that is the basics.

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Being Alone At Times Is Not As Bad As You Thought

In fact, I would argue that it can be positive. When I have asked about what areas you would like me to cover, I have got some questions about loneliness, which is what I decided to dedicate this article to. There is quite a lot of people who get depressed and anxious because they feel like they are too lonely. They feel like they don’t have many people around. I have been through this experience myself with the difference that I brought this on myself. It was the time when I realised that most people in my life are simply not the kind of people I want to stay around. This happened because I finally understood how important and how influential our associations can be. I have spent a lot of time alone, focusing on personal growth and actively seeking like-minded people. Even though I was alone, I knew that there are people who will support me in every situation. They might not have been with me physically, but I felt their presence inside. Although I was alone for most of the time, I never felt lonely. This was also because I understood that I was going through a process of growth and development and that I would eventually attract like-minded people into my life. In this article, I want to talk about why being alone and being lonely is not the same thing and about how being alone can actually benefit us.

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I Am Alone All The Time…

Saying I know how you feel is an understatement. As I have said above, I have experienced the same feeling. When I moved from China to the UK many things in my life changed. I left all the people I knew, I went through a relationship crises followed by a break up with the girl I loved and that all happened in the time span of a few months. Although I might have gone through some hardships, looking back at that time now provides me with many important lessons I would have not learned if that wouldn’t have happened. I understood a lot about how a relationship should work (in my eyes) and I have learned a lot of stuff about myself I did not even realise I didn’t know before. Even though things were pretty hectic, I was able to get up and start running again (metaphorically). All of this learning that has happened in the last half a year or so would have never happened if it wasn’t for that hardship and if it wasn’t for me staying alone for most of my day. The “alone time” truly provided me with an incredible opportunity to learn. I was able to understand the meaning of fighting the battle within, rather than the battle without. This experience has shaped me and continues to shape me into the person I am becoming. It taught me how to be happy from within, it helped me learn about what I really want in life and what I really value in people.

The reason why I am pouring out my struggles and my learnings here is to show you that although you might feel like you’re stuck now, there is a way out that can actually turn this experience into a huge learning for yourself.

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This Is On You!

Before I get into how I utilised my “alone time,” I want to make sure that you understand that staying alone and feeling lonely are two separate things. When you are alone, you are physically on your own, but you are mentally aware of the fact that there are people who love you and who support you no matter what – be that your parents, your friends or in some cases you. Feeling lonely is a completely different case. When you feel lonely, you have consciously put your subconscious mind into the state where you practically believe that there is nobody around you, not even you, who believes in you and who cares. This is a practical result of your own thinking. Nothing has caused this other than your own perception of the way things are. If you want to change the way you think about this issue, you need to change your words and your thoughts. That is what I did. I understood that I can control how I feel and what I think and shifted my thoughts from negativity and “loneliness” to positivity, blessings, love, gratitude and happiness.

It’s Your Time!

When you spend a lot of time alone, you either give up and turn into short-term self-satisfying procrastinator who is always depressed, or you stand up on your feet and build yourself up. If you try to look at your situation from an objective perspective, being alone can sometimes actually help. All the attention that you would have given to others can now be redirected to you. That can be good, but it can also ruin your confidence. This comes down to whether you compare yourself to some idealised model out there, or whether your only point of comparison is you yesterday. I understood that it was all about me, about how I thought and about how I made myself feel. That was the time I understood that I had something amazing in my hands. I understood the purity of life, the colossal power hidden inside. I understood that the happiest people are the people who love themselves first and I understood that those people are also the ones who can share the purest kind of love with others. I learned probably the most important lesson of my life. I learned that we all possess the power to influence what is within, which then allows us to influence what is without.

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The Words of Influence

We live in a world where influence and “exposure” became terms of necessity. Numbers and numbers of people and companies are trying to reach out to you consciously and unconsciously every minute of the day. This is because they understand how much they can affect what you like, what you think and what you believe. In short, they can influence you as a person to the extent that what they want you to think becomes a mainstream thought – most people will start thinking in this way. This has been especially the case in the recent decade when digital media developed to the scale where the people behind these adds have the power to reach out to you without you actively looking for their help. In the past, businesses aimed to answer an already existing need or want. Now, they are turning to need and want creation. This can be done through heavy marketing. Heavy to the extent which limits your ability of ignorance. They are able to basically make you feel like you need something, even though you don’t. Apart from this perspective, you should also think about this in a personal sense. Who do you listen to? Who do you allow to have a greater influence over what you do? This is what I will be looking into throughout this article.

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External Influences

You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. That is the number one factor you need to worry about. What do your friends talk about? Where are they heading? Are they stuck in the past, or are they forward-looking? Are they process-oriented or are they outcome-oriented? Are they always complaining, or are they bringing positivity into your life? Apart from the people closest to you, you also need to make sure that you are not consuming anything that would be pulling you away from where you want to be – that is mentally or physically. Are you dealing with depression? Stop reading depressing quotes on IG. Are you dealing with a break-up? Stop listening to all those break-up songs. Doing this will allow you to limit the negative influences of the outside world so that you can control your own thinking and your own direction. To fully understand how to do this, check out our article here.

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The #1 Person You Listen To

You need to identify this person in your life. Who do you go to for advice? I strongly believe that if we want to achieve something, we need to find a person who is already there and who is willing to help us get there as well. Why? Because that person has gone through most of the hard stuff you won’t necessarily have to go through, if you follow that person’s tips. How do you find that person? That is very specific to your situation. Make sure it’s not some random online mentor who will take your money but doesn’t devote any time to you. Make sure you work with someone who actually cares about your success, someone with whom you can create a personal bond that will stick for a lifetime. When I have done that, it has changed my life. There are numbers and numbers of people out there who say “I have a mentor.” But if you ask them how often they meet that person, they will probably say something like “once a month” or “never.”

The People You Don’t Listen To

The other side of the coin is the people you need to identify in order to not listen to them. I think that this is also very specific to what kind of situation you find yourself in. Is it a mental problem? You might consider talking about that with your parents or with someone who has been through that and can offer advice, but you won’t go to your second best friend who is the most negative person you know for advice. Are you looking to build the business? Maybe it’s not the best idea to talk to your doctor parents that have spent their entire life in a hospital with no connection to the business world whatsoever. In short, make sure you listen to the people who have the fruit on the tree. Would you go to the coniferous forest looking for apples? I doubt it!

When making a decision, it is always good to have an external perspective. However, you need to be able to differentiate positive criticism (that involves negative feedback as well) from negative criticism (which is just a bunch of insults or negative words). Make sure that the person who makes the decision is you, not your friends nor your parents!

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