4 Ways To Handle Rejection

Many times in our lives, we do things that are popular and that receive lots of support. However, the greatest successes often require us to do actions that might not be as popular (early mornings, no late nights, less “chilling out,” less attention in certain areas of our lives, etc.). This means that as we reach out for success in our lives, we all have to deal with a certain amount of rejection. You can’t really hope to succeed with absolutely no sense of rejection on the way. People will come up with different reasons why you will fail, why you should give up and why you’re just wasting your time. Often, these people include our closest ones, our relatives and close friends. How can you deal with these situations? Dexter Yager, an expert on people skills, gives us some tips regarding this issue in his book Dynamic People Skills.

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#1 Spiritual Clarity

Dexter, as a strong Christian, talks about how important his relationship with Jesus Christ was in helping him overcome rejection. What he is really pointing out is not that you need to be strongly religious to be able to deal with rejection. What you need is a consistent set of values and principles that will allow you to understand what you perceive as right and what you perceive as wrong. Defining your values and principles will help you in simplifying your decisions and understanding that many of the points people try to discourage you with do not meet with your own personal views on how things ought to be.

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#2 Battle Training

Rejections are, like anything else, an adaptable problem. This means that you can adapt to receiving rejections in a firm manner. The more you practice, the more you get rejected, the more you will understand how you can overcome rejection. There are 3 major strategies Dexter recommends we utilize to get this battle training – learn from the winners, read positive books, experience rejection personally.

#3 A Love of Excellence

Winners respect excellence. They also disrespect mediocrity and laziness. You need to develop immunity to those whose lifestyle and values you do not respect. Why should you listen to someone who is not where you want to be? This also means that you can learn lessons from rejectors, but never at the time of the rejection. You need to stay firm when you’re rejected for the sake of your emotional stability. When you feel like the rejection is not affecting you emotionally anymore, you can get back to it to reflect on it.

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#3 True Grit

According to Dexter, reacting to rejection properly contributes to your leadership skills big time. The grit means the courage to stick to with your purpose against all odds. True grit gives you 3 things – emotional control, mental discipline, the power of chosen optimism. Taking control and standing firm is the ultimate sign of a true leader!

Progress Booster 101

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in the last couple of years of constant interaction with different people, from different cultures, coming from different places of the world is that we live in a world where constant gratification is something engraved into our brains. Everyone wants to succeed and everyone wants to succeed now. Many people don’t want to go through the process of dying but want to be up in heaven right now. Constant gratification is something that has been ruining many people’s mindset and very likely yours as well. It is something I am personally battling every day as well. Developing the mindset of delayed gratification is incredibly hard in the modern world. A question that comes up quite often is – For how long do I have to delay? The answer to that question is – as long as you need to. It depends on your specific case. However, I can give you a way of significantly shortening that amount of time. Let’s take a look at how we can do that.

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How Do We Progress?

We are naturally programmed for adaptation. Thanks to our brain, it is very simple for us to adapt to external conditions. What is the process of learning? It is a process of adaptation. I personally went through (and am still going through) 3 different types of curriculums – public, private and university. I studied in a public school in Central Europe, a private school in China and a university in the UK. How did I manage to go through that? I adapted. This is something I have understood when I graduated from high school in Beijing. It is also something I have been practicing in sports throughout my entire life and that has allowed me to do so well in school. I adapted. I messed up, reflected, adjusted and tried again. This process repeated many times in a row simply led to my adaptation to the requirements for me to succeed in any area of my life. This is how we learn, this is how we grow. So how do you boost your progress? How do you steepen your learning curve?

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The Ultimate Booster of Your Progress

Bearing in mind the learning and adaptation process I have described, how can you utilize its understanding to your advantage? How do you progress faster? You simply have to go through that cycle more often. In very simple terms, you try more often, you fail more often, you adjust more often and you try again more often. It is as simple as that. Fail more and you will learn more. The first step for most of us is to get rid of the fear of failing. This is something that has been programmed into our minds by our education system. We are taught that F, F, F, A is still a fail. Why? In my eyes, you have figured it out at the end, thus you know how to do it. How come you’re still failing? This is something that school doesn’t teach you, but life hopefully will. The second step is to find a good way of reflecting on your failures so you can adjust in a proper way. That will cut the learning curve even steeper. Now, let’s buckle up and fail forwards!


What’s There To Be Scared Of?

We’re all born with one tremendous quality. We are all born unafraid. As weird as it might sound now, you were not afraid of anything when you were born. Fear is a completely learned emotion. According to Brian Tracy, we are all born unafraid and spontaneous. Brian Tracy is the author of a very successful book called Million Dollar Habits, where he talks about many aspects of a positive and successful personality and traits that can lead you to your success, no matter how you define it. In this article, I want to give you a brief overview of how fear works. This will help you understand that you can control it and revert it, however bad it might seem.

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Starting in early childhood, we pick up on many behavioral habits of our parents as well as we create our own reactions to the behavior they direct towards us. In most cases, we begin to learn the two negative behavioral patterns that then affect our lives.

Inhibitive Negative Pattern

The first habit is the fear of failure, risk and loss. This is very interesting because a great part of this is dependent on the way we are treated when we’re growing up. Many people use threats and punishment when their children misbehave or when they do something dangerous like touching a pot with boiling water. Naturally, children are programmed to seek love from their parents.  Now if they do something bad and their parents punish them or criticize them, they start feeling nervous and frightened. This is very important because many psychologists say that most, if not all, adult problems are rooted in the phenomena they call “love withheld” in early childhood. Understand that children don’t know that their parents are doing this to keep them safe. They will think something along the lines: “Oh, every time I try something new my mom gets angry, it is probably my fault, it is probably because I am incompetent, it is probably because I can’t do it.”

This starts transforming into your habitual behavior. Soon, when you start thinking about doing something new, your habit of fearing failure kicks in and you end up talking yourself out of it. Napoleon Hill once said something along the lines – The number of trials an average person takes before giving up on something new is less than 1. That basically means that most people give up even before trying.

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According to Brian Tracy, the best way to overcome this fear is a frequent repetition of the phrase “I can do it!” This starts reprogramming your subconscious mind and after some time, you will reduce that fear to the degree that allows you to try out practically anything new without any greater feeling of fear.

Compulsive Negative Habit Pattern

The second fear we develop through our lives regards the fear of rejection or criticism. When we’re young, parents often use rejection and criticism to show us that we did something wrong and that they don’t like it. Since all children are programmed to last for the love of their parents, they immediately pull back from the behavior to regain the love of their parents. According to Brian Tracy, this often turns into the use of the carrot and stick method by the parents.

They alternate with approval and disapproval, with compliments and criticism, to control and manipulate the child’s behavior (Million Dollar Habits).

This leads to the creating of a habit that forces the child to conform its behavior to the standard, to the mainstream in order to gain approval from others.

When the fear of rejection becomes extreme, the individual becomes so hypersensitive to the opinions of others that he or she cannot make a decision until he or she is absolutely convinced that everyone in the world around them will approve and support the decision (Million Dollar Habits).

The worst scenario that many people experience is the combination of the two. When people feel like they have to do something to gain the approval of others, but they can’t because they’re afraid of failure since it is something new, they turn into their caves and try to escape the situation through stuff like procrastination or even worse, drugs, alcohol and other detrimental stuff.

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The root cause of negative habit patterns can almost always be traced back to “destructive criticism” in early childhood. Often, destructive criticism is accompanied by physical punishment. In either or both cases, the child very quickly loses his or her natural spontaneity and becomes fearful and hypersensitive to others (Million Dollar habits).

The Solution Is Within

The most effective and appropriate solution to these issues is prioritization of your self-esteem growth. You basically need to like yourself enough so that you can conquer these fears. The greatest habit you can ever develop is the habit of deliberately building your own self-esteem and self-confidence on a daily basis. 

The very fastest way to build your self-esteem and self-confidence, and to neutralize the fears that may be holding you back, is to repeat continually the words “I like myself!” Whenever you feel doubtful or uneasy, begin repeating these words to yourself, “I like myself! I like myself! I like myself!”

The Wealthy Mindset by Robert Kiyosaki

Robert Kiyosaki has been one of the greatest influences in my life when it comes to the mindset behind wealth-building and more generally, financial literacy. Even more, the way I personally define wealth has been greatly impacted by his content ranging from books, podcasts, seminars and videos. In my eyes, he is simply one of the greatest and most experienced business owners and investors out there who is willing to help others reach their financial freedom as well. In this article, I will talk about the core aspect of his writings and his ideology. The mindset. More specifically, I will look into the concept he came up with, called the Cashflow Quadrant, and how that explains the way you can identify where your mindset puts you in terms of the societal structure and wealth building. Understanding this will help you gain a thorough understanding of how you can shift and build a greater amount of wealth for yourself and for the generations to come, which will allow you do all the things you want to do in your life.

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The Cashflow Quadrant

As you can see in the figure above, there are 4 legal ways of generating income in society.  You can be an employee, a self-employed person (a small business owner), a (big) business owner and an investor. You can look at these 4 parts as separate quadrants, or you can look at the figure from a more broader perspective as two halves. These two halves represent two kinds of income, active income (where you actively participate in creating the income – trading time for money) and passive income (where you leverage either an entity – asset or people that you have built, or where you simply multiply your capital through investing it). In the second half, you first put a lot of time in to create the asset and then you can sit back ant the entity works on its own. This is the half where we should all be striving to live in, according to Robert Kiyosaki. Why? Because the way he defines wealth assumes that time is the most valuable commodity we have in our lives. I completely agree with this assumption and that’s why I strongly value this concept. Try comparing time with money. Can you invest it? Can you save it? Can you multiply it? Answer these questions and see whether you feel like time is more valuable or not.

The E Quadrant

As an employee, you simply have a job where you trade your time for money. Depending on your own values, you will either feel like this makes sense or like this is an unfair exchange. If you feel like this makes sense, this is probably where you fit in the most (with your current mindset). As an employee, you work on someone else’s asset in which you have very little interest. For employees, security and stability is the whole deal. But are jobs in the present really secure??

The S Quadrant

As a small business owner, you create a job for yourself and maybe for a couple of other people who work in that small business with you. Don’t misunderstand though, if you have a small business, you probably need to invest even more time than as an employee. Why? Because the business is directly dependent on your activity in it. If you own a dental clinique and you’re the only dentist there, what happens if you don’t come to work? Nothing, nothing happens and that is the problem. Since nothing happens, no money comes in. There are two major reasons why you might want to be a self-employed person. Either you really value independence or you want to scale your business later so that you can shift to the B quadrant. Examples of small businesses include a corner shop, a small dental clinique or a small local restaurant (not a chain restaurant).

The B Quadrant

As a big business owner, you own an asset. An entity that is capable of running on its own, thus generating passive income for you. This means that if you don’t actively participate in its daily running, the money will still be coming in. What you did is you started depending on your leadership skills less than your professionalism in a specific area. You brought more skilful people together and you were able to give them vision and purpose to stay together and build the business. As you moved from the left side to the right side, you have started accumulating residual (passive) income, which is the goal if you want to have more time to do whatever you want in your life.

The I Quadrant

As an investor, you keep the mindset of a business owner. You value leadership and freedom. Now, since you have generated some capital through your business, you can use other businesses and financial tools to multiply it. Real estate, IPO investment, stocks, funds and other tools are included in here.

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The Shift

As you can see in the second figure, the only (proper) way for you to safely move to the I quadrant is to go through the whole journey. The mistake most people make is that they try to jump from E to I and most often fail terribly. Understand that it is not only about the money, it is also the mindset that limits you from making such a huge jump effectively.


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Set Yourself Up For Success

Most of us know what kind of movies they like, some of us know what subject in school they enjoy, few of us know what they want to do as a job and most of us don’t know how they want to live. This is a major flaw in modern society. It is clearly a fault of the tradition. We are led to think about the “what” rather than about the “why“. This is something that cripples us in the long run and makes most people regret not having done what they’ve dreamed of doing in their lives. This flaw has a further crippling consequence. We are unaware of where we are and what we should do next with our time. Why do you think many teenagers end up drunk every weekend? Do you think they would still do that if they understood their direction and the reason why they’re taking that path? In this article, I will be talking about a few steps you can take to set yourself up for success in the long run.

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Step #1 Find Your Direction

As I have mentioned many, many times before, it is not important what you do, but why you do it. Why do you go to school? Why do you go to uni? Why do you workout? Why do you wake up early? Why do you procrastinate? Why do you read books? Why do you not read books? Begin with the end in mind. Become outcome-focused, not process focused. Why? Because processed focus people never actually achieve what they want. Even more, they don’t understand what they want, they don’t understand the outcome. They only understand the process. If you know that you have to go to university, but you don’t know why, how are you going to feel? Will you study just to “get it done” or to actually learn and grow, so that you can utilise that knowledge in the long run?

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Step #2 Identify Where You Are

The second step is slightly easier than the first one, but its biggest challenge is your subjectivity. To understand how far we are from the desired outcome, we need to set up some framework that will make it easier for us to clear up some confusions created by the subjectivity of this matter. What I would suggest is setting up a scale from 1 to 10. 10 would be that goal of yours, maybe the life that you want to live. It is “the why” you came up with. Now it is important to take some time and think about how far you are from where you want to be. The scale helps you to specify it for your reference. You can set up some points where you’ll be stepping up one number. If your dream is to live the life of a judge, not for the sake of being one, but for the sake of imposing justice, one of your steps could be graduating from a law school. Which leads me to the third step…

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Step #3 The How

After you have figured out how far you are from your goal, from the final point, you should start planning out the “how” in terms of how you are planning to get there. What are the steps you have to undergo to achieve that goal? What are the experiences and learnings you have to go through to live that life? How will you grow to your success? This is the time for you to find the right platform that will deliver the results for you. In order to do this, a very helpful aspect of your focus should be a person. A someone who is closer to that 10 than you are or a someone who is already past it. Pursue them and learn from them. That will cut your path much shorter than it would be otherwise.

Finally, understand that your 10 is not a static point. It is very likely that as you grow and as you start approaching it, it will expand. It will shift and you will find yourself sitting on a 5 even though you were on a 7 before. Why? Because you have grown, you have expanded your dream and your 10 became an 8. This should not disappoint you, it should excite you. It is a sign of you developing a growth mindset – understanding that there is always some space for growth and improvement.

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