Dreams, dreams, dreams…

Dreaming is a very specific concept in itself. It’s the ultimate way for us to experience our subconsciousness almost consciously. What does that mean? When you sleep, you are sometimes able to perceive your subconscious. In rare cases, you can actually remember consciously what happened in the dream. However, this is not the kind of dreams I want to focus in this article. What I want to focus on are the dreams that you have consciously in your mind and you need to get them into your subconscious. Your dreams are the reason why you do, what you do. That is, if you’re not a sheep blindly following the crowd. Your capacity to dream ultimately determines your future success and its scale. In this article, I want to focus on specifying your dreams (your direction in life) and on the methods that can help you install them into your subconscious.

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Why Do I Need to Do That?

As I already mentioned, your dream is your WHY. Your dream is the purpose you have, it is the reason why you do what you do. It is the best guide in life you will ever have, it is your direction and your internal motivator. Why do successful people succeed? They have the capacity to dream big and then follow their dreams. When you have a strong dream, everything becomes clear. You need to start asking yourself why? instead of what? How do you handle this deep stuff? Dream visualization is the way to go. You always need to keep your dream in front of you, you always need to remind yourself of your dream. Only this way will you be able to hold on to it and go past all the distractions in your life, which is one of the greatest challenges we all have these days. There is also another benefit to dream visualisation that has to do with your subconscious. Constant visualization of your dream will leade to a passive installation of that vision into your subconscious mind, which will in return make you act in the proper way without consciously realizing. Our brain is like a computer, what you look up most often it will do. For instance, if you really want to become a millionaire, you constantly need to remind yourself of that dream and you will subconsciously start behaving in a way that will lead you there. This is obviously not the only method of getting there – you still need to do loads of conscious stuff to get there, but this will support you mentally in a great way.

Dream Visualization (installing into your subconscious)

There are many ways you can visualize your dreams. The first way you should already know about is your spoken word. If you have no idea what this is about, give this article a read. What I want to focus on now are two other, more straight forward methods. The first one involves writing your dream essay. What you want to do is sit down at a quiet place and write down a story of your life – exactly how you want it. Go from short, all the way to your long term dreams. How do you want to live when you’re 10 years older than now? How will these 10 years look like? What is the design of that new beach house you want? What about the car you always wanted? How many people do you want to help or lead? How big will your business grow in the next few years? All these questions and many more can be a part of your essay. What you want to do then is, review the essay every week and correct, update and improve your dream. Shape it in your way. The second method allows you to build on this one and take it a step further. Draw, look up and print your dreams. Look up a house that you really like and print it! When you have the physical picture, put it somewhere you can’t miss it! A fridge, a door or a ceiling above your bed are all very good spots. This really helps you to visualize that dream and installs it into your brain (subconscious).

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Do It Now!

What is the best direction of action you can take now? Start writing. Start writing your dream essay and don’t take it lightly, be very serious about it. It will impact the shape of your future life in a great way.

 

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The 5 Second Rule

The most important part of success, the one part everyone talks about yet many people fail to apply. Taking action. Many people, including me, have believed for a long time that knowledge is power. However, in the recent few months, I experienced a major shift in my perspective on this issue. I realised that knowledge might be the beginning, but your behaviour is the finale. What is the use of having a wide range of knowledge without applying it? How can you solve a problem by thinking? If you have a roadblock in front of you, it is necessary that you make a move to overcome it. Thinking won’t solve it. This is also a major challenge for most. Taking action at the moment. Thinking and planning action is a very useful part of success. However, what makes the major difference is whether you actually make your move or not. Mel Robbins wrote a very useful book called “The 5 Second Rule” talking about this, where she came up with a very useful psychological trick to overcome that moment of doubt.

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The Moment of Doubt

For the sake of the explanation, let’s use an example of approaching a stranger you want to talk about. Your aim is to connect and deepen the conversation. Sounds simple right? Well, it is very easy to think about it, but actually doing this is fairly complicated for most of us. How come? We all have this slight sense of anxiety built into us – be it because of the way social media and digital communication affects us, be it because of our introverted personality or due to any other reason. The few seconds of doubt when we start thinking about approaching that new person is usually the few seconds it takes to persuade us to back up. This issue doesn’t only appear in this case, but also in many other areas of our daily lives. A few more instances include getting out of the bed, raising our hand in a meeting or starting a workout. It’s the little snaps of doubt before you do something that hold you back.

The Rule

The rule is fairly simple, which makes it super useful and effective. It consists of 2 parts. In the first part, you essentially want to identify the target (eg. I want to talk to that person). In the second part, you want to start counting 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and then move. It is super, super important that you physically move when you get to 1. This is because what this method focuses on is overcoming that doubt in your mind. Thus, timing is crucial. You want to really integrate this in order for it to work perfectly. When you get that idea of talking to someone or doing something that requires some kind of stepping out of your comfort zone, you instantly want to start counting and then take action when you say 1. If you don’t, your doubt will come and it will put you in that disgusting situation where you start arguing with yourself. Eventually, you will identify a logical excuse that will hold you back. It is important to execute this with precision and focus.

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Bearing that in mind, it will obviously take time to practice this rule. Overnight success is simply not a thing in the area of personal growth. You can not imagine how many times I made a fool out of myself before I got it right… You will mess up and you will be challenged. The only way you will succeed is through consistent and persistent practice and failures.

Why do you count from 5 to 1 and not from 1 to 5? This is very simple. The reason is purely psychological. If you count from 1 to 5, your mind will feel like counting further and prolonging the process. That is what you do not want. Since you count from 5 to 1, there is nothing following, thus the only step remaining is to move. Do bear in mind that you can play with this rule a little bit. You can make it a 3-second rule if you feel like 5 seconds is too long. It is up to your personal preference.

I strongly recommend you read the book mentioned above. It is one of the books that will make a change in your daily life. It also includes loads of testimonies and experiences of the people who follow the rule every day… So useful!!

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Use These 3 Tips to Connect With Anyone

We live in a society where many people fear talking to strangers. Many people are able to verbally fight you on social media as if they were professional martial artists. The issue is, when they get to actually speak to people directly, they shy away. I am not saying that social media is the root of this problem, but the way people use it and the way people prioritize their methods of communication leaves them with little or no skill in terms of personal face-to-face communication. In his article, I aim to provide you with the 3 basic tips of interpersonal communication that can help you connect with pretty much anyone. Make sure you understand each of the tips and then practice. Communication is a skill – you need to practice loads and fail loads before you master it. Give it some time and you will see great results in your relationships as you will be able to deepen your conversations more effectively.Výsledek obrázku pro comic meeting a stranger

Ice Breaker

What do we first need to do to start a conversation? Breaking the ice is one of the scariest parts of having a conversation, which also makes it one of the harder parts (even though it is technically very simple). There are generally two ways you can do this. The first one is very simple – just say hi. Coming up to someone saying something like “Hi, how was your day?” is a very quick and straight forward way of starting a conversation. This has an advantage and a disadvantage. The good part is its simplicity – you don’t have to know much to do this. The bad part is the awkwardness and the lack of connection it might create. The connection you make with a person might not be strong enough to continue the conversation. A good solution for this issue would be following up the first sentence with a  question or with a compliment. That is also the second, more advanced method. Breaking the ice through a compliment is something very powerful. Why? Because we all love being complimented. Imagine a person coming up to you saying “Hey! I love your jacket, where did you get it?” This gives the person instant rapport and likability in your eyes. Use these two methods to break the ice when you want to speak to someone. Additionally, don’t be scared to talk to people. Most people will really appreciate if you have a short conversation with them. It is a great feeling if you compliment someone and improve their mood instantly! If you still feel a bit nervous about this, utilize the 5 Second Rule! What is the 5-second rule? We will definitely explain this in detail in one of our future articles. In short, when the idea of speaking to someone comes to your mind, you count from 5 to 1 and then you make a move. What this does for you is that it breaks the thought of doubt in your mind and skips directly to taking the action.

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Controlling The Direction of The Convo

What’s the best kind of conversation you can have? The one that you can control. Now don’t get me wrong – you don’t want to be a control freak or something like that. What you want to do though is ask loads of questions. Why? Because that is how you control the direction of a conversation. Being the one who asks questions allows you to direct the conversation and to deepen it much better. Bear in mind that in order to deepen the conversation, you need to ask open-ended questions, such as “What are your hobbies?” or “What do you think about …?” You don’t want to ask the kind of questions that can be answered by a yes/no or a one-word answer. You want the other person to talk as much as possible. Through the questions, you learn about the other person and you can take the conversation in the directions that will interest the other person. This will allow you to increase your likability and trust in the other person’s eyes. We all love talking about ourselves, so let the other person speak.

Always, Always Use Their Name

What makes you feel closer to the person? “What is your favorite football player?” or “What is your favorite player, James?” Using other people’s names will bring you even closer to them and will improve the connection between the two of you. Even more, the best way to remember a person’s name is by continuous repetition of the name in the conversation. An example would be:

A: What’s your name mate?

B: I am James. And yours?

A: I am Bob, nice to meet you, James. Are you a student here James?

B: Yeah, I am in my second year.

A: That is really cool, man. Do you do something outside of your studies James? Any sports or societies?

You can see that you don’t always have to say the name, but you should somewhat incorporate it into the convo. This will help you remember the person’s name and will create a sense of likability for you in the other person’s eyes.

Extra: Don’t Be Awkward

I know it can be hard at times to overcome the mental barrier and talk to someone, but the worst thing you can do is making things weird. Be yourself and use the tips from this article to improve your conversational skills. Most importantly, have fun!

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Take Full Control of Your Mind

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog” (Mark Twain). Our mind can be our ultimate weapon, or it can be our ultimate weakness. Nobody can affect your mental state more than you. You are the ultimate master of your mind, that is if you know how to control it. Unfortunately, most people are unaware of this and keep on flowing through mood and anxiety swings. I realise that this is one of the core issues of the modern society, but I feel like it has been sort of a taboo subject. I feel like many perceive anxiety and depression as something abnormal, something crazy. It feels like most people think that having anxiety or depression is a sign of insanity. Well, let me tell you – it’s not. Anxiety and depression is a common mental problem many, if not most people deal with earlier or later during their life. What I want to focus on in this article is my experience with anxiety and on some tips to reduce it or to get completely rid of it. Bear in mind that I am not a professional psychiatrist. What I will be talking about is my personal experience and the methods that I have read about and personally applied in real life.

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Everybody Is Judging Me

It is almost impossible to not experience the feeling of being judged by everyone. Especially in the era we live in. We are constantly exposed to the examples of how we should look like or how we should behave. We live in the information time, where media is the core of everything. From the moment we open our eyes when we wake up to the moment we fall asleep, sometimes even when we’re sleeping, we are exposed to some kind of digital input. This ranges from the social media on our phones, the news in the tv or on the billboards in the streets. We can never escape it unless we really, really try. Now this can have its upsides, but it also has its downsides. If you know how to utilise this fact, you can make an enormous impact on peoples’ lives, but if you don’t know how to protect yourself, you can fall into that judgment trap of the modern society very easily. Why do we care so much about what others think? Because we are led towards that concept. Social media is based on people caring about others. That is what drives it. Most people spend loads of time on social media, thus most people consume this kind of culture. What do you think happens once you step out from your house? You will instantly feel judged like you do on social media. Only that now you can’t filter stuff. You are you, the real you. When I was younger, anytime I would step outside I would feel like people would instantly start judging me. I would not necessarily think about it, it was more of a subconscious feeling, something you think that your can’t control, unless you know that you can. As a result of this, there is huge amounts of people feeling insecure, looking into the ground when walking on the street. Or on the other side, people feeling insecure, running their egos high by insulting others to make themselves feel better. Yep, you heard it. If you laugh at others, you are only giving in to your own insecurity. This is something I have realised only a short while ago. The people who bully and offend others are themselves very insecure, sometimes even in pain. But they don’t know how to communicate it, so they choose to hide it and try to push others down to raise their  self-impression higher.

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Can I Control Anxiety?

As I mentioned above, anxiety is something that comes unconsciously. It’s not like we consciously decide to be anxious… Does that mean we can’t control when it comes, or whether it comes at all? Not really. We can control it, it is only that most of us have no idea how. There are quiet a few methods I have studied and applied to control the state of my mind, which has helped me maintain its clarity. Let’s first look at some ways I personally use to control both my conscious and subconscious mind.

The Spoken Word

The way I speak to myself is probably the most effective way I use to control my mind. Show me what your words are now and I will show you how your future looks like. You become what you speak. When I spoke negative, I got negative – both in the physical world and in my mind. However, when I started speaking positive and good stuff into my life, I started seeing a positive change not only in the way I thought, but also in everything that has started happening to me. When I realised the power of this, I have started utilising it. I have started speaking gratefulness into my life, I have started speaking my goals as if they have already happened. And guess what, they actually started happening. I started talking about my business growing, I started speaking about me building other leaders who want to do the same – make this world a better place. And the law of attraction has started kicking in. In short, you need to speak not what you have that you don’t want, but what you want that you don’t have. And you need to speak it in the present, as if you already have it. “I love the people around myself, I respect them and they respect me back. I love my life and the people in it. I am so lucky, because (…) and that is why I am grateful to be where I am, alive.” Create something like this sequence and speak it out loud many times a day. I know mentors who have scheduled their alarms for every hour of the day just to consciously speak out a few sentences like that. Why so often? Because what you do consciously regularly will be embedded into your unconscious. Make that happen and you will see the results. To learn more about the power of the spoken word, check out this article of ours!

We All Have Something

You are special, but not in this sense. Everyone has their own issues and you are not an exception. We all have something we are insecure about, something we are not proud of. The difference between the people who are anxious about it and the people who are not is that the people who tackled anxiety learned to be proud of their weaknesses. They understand that we all have something and that the only person who decides how we deal with it is us. At the end of the day, you are the only one who determines whether you can handle anxiety or not. It is completely in your hands, but it is a long-term fight. You can’t shift your mindset in a period of a few days. It takes a continuous effort and consistence.

They Actually Don’t Care

When you step out of your room and you feel like everyone is constantly judging you because of your acne, your new jacket that you’re not used to wearing or some other external thing, you need to understand that most people actually don’t care. Look at is from your own perspective. When you see someone on the street who has a funny hairstyle, how long do you think about it? Probably like 5 seconds and then you mind your own business. This is true for most people. The people who see you with that new jacket will probably think about it for a few seconds and then will forget about ever seeing it. Like I said before, everyone has their own issues that they care about much more than about what kind of clothes you wear.

Woman sleeping in a bed

A Little Tip on How to Calm Down When It Comes

But what if it comes before I learn how to control my mind? How can I “escape” that feeling in the moment? There is a technique I personally find super useful not only for anxiety attacks, but also for getting my body to fall asleep. It’s called the 4-7-8 breathing. It essentially helps you calm down and reduce your breathing frequency and pulse by oxygenating your body. Click here to learn how to use it. WARNING – don’t use this if you already have a slow pulse.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is, we all have something to be insecure about and most people mind their own business. At the end of the day, not many people on the street really care about how you look like or what you do. You define you, you are loved, you are important and you are amazing! Focus on yourself, grow as a person, learn to control your mind and laugh. Who doesn’t laugh doesn’t live.

 

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You Are Asking The Wrong Questions

The society we live in is seriously messed up. How come? Why are there so many people who hate their lives? Why are there so many people who find themselves in their 80s with nothing but regrets? The reason is – we are programmed by the society to think in a very specific way. We are all pressured by the society to follow the tradition. Our minds are formed into this sheep mindset, just do what others tell you to do, follow the crowd, get a good education, work for 40 years of your life and you’ll be set. But will you? The reason why most people never really question this mindset is, they simply ask the wrong questions. They look for the “What” and the “How” ignoring the most important question there is – the “Why“.

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Mindset Transformation

As I went through my basic education and high school, I have always thought about what I wanted to do and how I will get there. Education was always the answer. Get a good degree, find a good job and you’re set, is what I had embedded in my mind. I finished my high school in Beijing, China where I had the privilege to attend an international school. I saw this as a major boost in my potential in the academic and the employment world. A European guy, who has traveled around the world, studied in 3 different languages and reached a great level of success in his education – this is what I thought would make me successful. And I reached exactly that – I got an offer from a few of the best universities in the world. This was something I was particularly proud about. I was the first one from my family who reached this level, the first one who studied abroad, the first one who could speak Chinese, the first one who had such a great potential. What I missed was the bottom line of everything. I never really asked myself “How do you want to live your life?” I never thought about the “Why” behind what I was doing. What has happened then completely shifted my mindset. One of the unis I had a conditional offer for declined it and I thought to myself “This is it, I am done with.” I was really stressed for a period of time. I decided to hide it because I didn’t want others to see me fail, I didn’t want to be a nuisance to others. What I didn’t understand back then was that this event was a blessing. I started looking for a way out of this crap. I started reading loads of self-development books, I started learning new things about myself and I really started focusing on my own personal development. How come? I still ask myself this question now. Maybe it was Rich Dad Poor Dad that has changed my perspective, maybe it was something else. Either way, shortly after this has happened, me and my friend started The Real Life Education. We were set to help others reach their goals through the journey of self-development and self-education – we wanted people to understand that the traditional education is not even close to the actual self-growth. Why? Because we learned it the hard way. At this moment of time, I have also met my current business team and mentor who have truly changed my mindset. They taught me to understand that whatever we do, we need to have a strong why, a strong reason. This was something that completely blew my mind back then, because I was never taught this lesson. Nobody ever asked me – “How do you want to live your life?” The only thing I have been asked was: “What do you want to do when you grow up?”

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Asking The Right Question

So what have I learned? Why are most people so depressed and regretful? It is exactly because they have been asking themselves the wrong questions throughout their lives. Many of us look to be investment bankers, accountants, financial asset managers, etc. But when we’re asked: “So why do you want to do this?” We are clueless. Actually, most people say that they really enjoy the job. REALLY?! If they would not pay you, would you still do the job? That’s what I thought… Absolutely not. We need to start asking ourselves the right questions! Why am I doing what I am doing? How do I want to live? How does my dream life look like? We need to set the final goal, the destination where we are going first. As Friedrich Nietzsche put it: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” We need to understand our purpose first, then we can look for a platform to reach that. Most people are climbing their ladders and they’re climbing them fast. What they don’t realise is that they are climbing the wrong ladder! Make sure your ladder is the correct one! And if it’s not, don’t just stop and climb down. You need to jump and look for a new ladder now!! Your time is precious, make it count.

 

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Where to Start?

You start at the beginning. Sit down, forget about anything you’ve been taught. Take a pen and paper and write/draw your dreams. Be as specific as possible. Do you want a house on the beach? Draw it out,  look up its picture and print it out for yourself. Do you want to help underprivileged kids? Write it down and identify what you need to do to be able to do that. Visualise your dreams, visualise your WHY.

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